Fear of being alone

Am I afraid to be alone? I was alone (literally and figuratively) for many years but have I become of those people who believe that something is better than nothing? I learned not to expect much from a very young age. I learned to accept the morsels of love and positive attention that I did get – I starved almost to death. I’d like to learn to expect, demand and get all that I need, want and deserve.
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I DO know, in my heart. I knew it many years ago. It’s now been six years. I know not to expect anything different than what I am getting. Why can’t I walk away? Self esteem? Yes. Afraid to be alone? Maybe. Don’t want to hurt him? Yes. Will it hurt him? Maybe. Is there any value to the relationship? Yes. Am I settling for the morsels? Yes. How do I walk away? I’m not a pull the band aid off quick kind of person but something like this would have no middle ground. We either are or we aren’t. That’s part of the problem. Right now we supposedly “are” but we really aren’t. We have both been accepting something in the middle. Is he settling for less than he deserves? Maybe.
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If I end it I WILL be alone, 100%, but how much am I really “with”? If I end it I MIGHT starve, but am I not starving a slow painful death? Am I repeating a pattern of settling for less than I deserve? Yes. Is it necessary to hate him to be able to walk away? I hope not. Is it necessary for me to be totally miserable to walk away? I hope not