MS Blog 1/17/09 about my LTD recert

Well, I finally saw my doctor that has been so unreachable on Friday, so damage control has finally been started….. I think….. I hope……
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He very humbly apologized and took responsibility for being significantly behind in reading email messages, returning phone calls, and that he is “way over his head” despite working until 11p-12a some nights. He offered a “long list of excuses” and I told him that I didn’t need them. Having been a patient of his for over 9 years, it is obvious when looking at him that he has not been taking the best care of himself. He does not look well and that really concerns me but my priority right now is trying to take care of myself and needing his help to do that. (I was holding on TIGHT to the tears the whole appointment but one of the things I did manage to choke out was that I need him to take care of himself so that he can take care of me.) He did also take responsibility for his staff, the way that they have been handling things, and explained that a part of what is going on is that his wife is being sent to Afghanistan, that “he and his family have been doing all that comes with preparing for that”. As my goal during that appointment was to talk to him about the depression and anxiety (which has been magnified a zillion times by all of this crap of course) and to get his help with the insurance company, I chose not to take him to task about anything at that point. Plus, the possibility of him letting me go as a patient right now is not something I want to even cross his mind.
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Prior to my appointment I spent hours (probably 12+) trying to get my sh*t together to be clear, concise, and to make sure he understands where I am coming from, what my mental and physical health really looks like. I typed pages and pages of notes but could not get my thoughts together enough to even make bullet points from those notes, or even organize them in any meaningful way. I showed him the pile of pages, asked him if he was interested in reading them, and he took them to read at a later time. I did tell him that I feel like I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown, walking a very fine line. We also talked about the possibility that my meds are making the anxiety worse so we came up with a plan to test that and he added another medication to the mix.
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As far as the LTD paperwork, he said that in his experience a letter from him would do little, more likely nothing, but that actual forms from the insurance company might be helpful. While we were talking he said that he has some forms that I could fill out that would help him do his part and right then he sent those to my email and asked me to email them back to him. I still have not received that email, over 24 hrs later. I assume that there was an error in my email address or something like that. We also agreed that I would scan and email him copies of the forms the other doctor filled out (fortunately I was able to find the blank forms online in pdf ). He did confirm that the email address we had used is accurate but also gave me a different email address to use. I have not received a read receipt for the email I sent to that “new” address yesterday so I’m not real confident about how this is going to play out.
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He did make a point to say that he doesn’t know how fast he will be able to get it all done. I explained that while they have not terminated my benefits yet, it is a real possibility, I believe just a matter of time, and that I am trying to avoid that by being proactive.
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In the email I sent, I suggested that since he is so overwhelmed, with a lot on his own plate, that he and my therapist might be able to work together to get all of these forms filled out and to the insurance company. I hope, for his sake and mine, that he agrees and contacts her to do just that.
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I will feel a lot better once damage control has been completed and confirmed (i.e. my LTD recertification process completed and approved) and then I can get back to what I do see as my job, taking care of my health so that eventually I can go back to working.
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Not exactly the sigh of relief I was needing….. I still feel a little bit like I am on a very thin tightrope with no net.
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There ya have it. Another installment of “As Kat’s World Turns”.