MS 1/27/09 Blog

"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are." ~ Bernice Johnson Reagon

(Son --- of --- a --- bitch! Breeeeeeathe …….. I’ve turned every G*d damn light in the G*d damn house on...... There, light up my f*cking life...…….Breeeeeeeathe……

Yes, my mother f*ckin’ ……. Breeeeeeeathe ……stomach is moving up and down ………. Breeeeeeeathe……. to prove that I am……. Grrrrrrr…… breathing deep… G*d damn it…… (Big sigh) …… damn………. I hate my muffin top………. Man, I need hair color something fierce…….. la, da, de, da, la, de, la, la……… ok, can’t lose it ……. Keep it together girl……. It WILL be ok……. DAMN IT……… Breathe…….. Breathe……. A hot fudge sundae sure would taste good about now……. DAMN…….. STOP the negative messages, don’t allow them to win, you deserve better…….. FUCK……… how much more should I have to deal with……. )

**I try not to curse like this, even in my mind, but sometimes you just gotta let it rip so that you can let it out and move on**
....

So, I find out today (1/20, four days after I had seen him in his office 1/16) that the doctor I am counting on “won’t be in the office the entire month of February.” Are you f*cking kidding me?!?!?! And I still have not received the email that he sent me on the 16th. I’ve asked his “wonderful” staff to pass along my correct email address to him and to let him know.
.. ..
Sigh, breathing…… give me a second….. composure might just be over rated, what do you F’ing think?
.. ..
I did manage to get yet another email address (yes, that is now 3, and I am aware of a 4th but he told me he never checks that one) to use for him. I did leave a message letting him know that I still have not received the email he sent me Friday. I do have a plan.
.. .... ..
……. I have a plan but, damn, can ya give me a break? At least let me come up for air!?!?
.. ..
I will also take this “opportunity” (grrr) to clarify that I DO understand that this doctor has not been doing his job where I am concerned. If it weren’t for the history that he and I have and it weren’t for this paperwork fiasco that the other dickhead created (UM, YES, I AM IN TOUCH WITH MY ANGER. WHAT GIVES ME AWAY? wink) I regret that for many reasons – mostly because it should not be necessary to do a “Linda Blair” to get what is right taken care of – ME! I will deal with that but for now the priority is getting the paperwork done.
.. ..
***1/27/09 This blog was done a week ago. I never finished it but kept promising to post something updating those of you following along on this…….F’ing journey. There’s still more and I will update that soon.***
.. ..
Thanks for caring, it will be ok, I will be ok. It’s just another fight I’m not sure I have in me. I DO definitely have days where I am "paralyzed" but I have not give up either.
.. ..
xoxo

P.S. Cover me, I'm going in!