MS 6/3/08 Post about hard wiring

My domestication (what I have personally referred to has my hard wiring), thus my reward system, was/is confusing at best. I believe that is in large part why I struggle as I do. My reward system was survival – physically, mentally, and emotionally. The extreme challenge was/is trying to determine what the "right answer" was (to obtain that reward) as it was different depending on who, what, where, when and why there was an interaction with that person – often that answer was different than it was just minutes ago and often the answer was in direct conflict to what another person of power defined it to be. At one point I recall asking my mother if she realized that there was 7 people (in the house alone) that were my "bosses"……… the reply just reinforced each and every one of those people's power, that it was the way it was going to be like it or not. My current reward system rarely includes anything healthy – physically, mentally, or emotionally as the domestication has to be renovated (so to speak). This is a part of the growth/reward that I am working on by participating here and in therapy of course. I hope that all made at least some sense.As always, thanks for being here.