MS Post from 2/14/09

I don't have time for this but realize that in order to have a decent time I need to get this stuff out and it will help adjust my attitude. I do intend on enjoying the much needed R&R. As indicated in my bulletin, I have very mixed feelings about our trip. I don't have the money and the money would be better spent on my bills but my BF of 6 years is clueless (by choice it would appear) and......sigh.....selfish. Yeah, I know, I know. I haven't had the time or the energy to really deal with all of that, still don't. DR Donna is my hero. Anyway, I/we decided that he has the money so we are going. I really don't have the 6 hr trip in me but told him that I would help drive as much as I could as long as we can swap every 1 1/2 hrs and that he might have to do more because of my cataplexy issues of late. I will not take that risk, no matter what. He agreed but we will see how much of a butt he will be if/when that time comes. I also said that I do not intend to stand around watching him gamble. I really don't enjoy gambling much, I don't have the money to lose, and watching him be a poor looser is embarrassing and no fun. He does give me a little slot money. I don't have the quick brain power to keep up with a card game, hell, I can't keep up with just watching them most of the time, lol. I am taking a book and a bathing suit (goodness, I hope nobody else is in the hot tub, or even in the area when I venture out there, ugh). I also plan on sleeping as much as possible. If there is a big tub for my big butt in our room, I will soak until I'm completely wrinkled. After all, this is supposed to be my reality break. Gee, thanks for taking me along while you do what you want to do. My choice was to go nowhere or go to a casino (always the choice given, we went nowhere for the first 4 years of our relationship). Yeah, I know, I know but I need to get out of the house for more than dr appts, paperwork follow up, shopping, and the rest of my massive to-do list. I've even thought of "wasting" my own money to spend a night in a hotel to get away from it all. My to-do list has been growing while all of the LTD bs was going on, it was already long but that just made it worse. Being totally away allows me to let go, at least a little, of the head stuff that tells me that I suck because I am not doing at least something on the list but I do also get that if I don't get some rest I will not be able to get anything done. With tax time here, that head stuff will get really loud. I haven't even balanced my checkbook in a year. (And that a$$hole thinks I am ready to go back to work! Um, NO!)Well, there ya have it. I know I am far behind in the blogging and know that many of you are awaiting my every brilliant word with great anticipation. (wink)Thanks for letting me vent and reading. Special hugs all around and thanks for being here.